Haunted Celebs Blog

I haven’t heard from Jessica Simpson in weeks now, and I honestly hope that she’s alive. No, seriously, it’s true. After all the accidents and suicides that had happened to Hollywood stars, it makes you really think if a star’s in their right minds nowadays. Especially Jessica. Though, she isn’t always in her right mind, now she’s got to be guided and looked for because she’s nursing a broken heart. It makes you crazy you know, look at Britney Spears.

The last news I heard about Jessica was either she was too drunk at a party, or… she was to drunk after a party. See. These are the kinds of signals we should be watching out for. They resemble a Britney 2005 phenomenon. We wouldn’t want Jessica shaving her long blonde hair, right? Anyway, see more of Jessica by dropping by this place here, and yeah, look out for signs that she’s going crazy too.

Now that she’s got the whole delusions of movie stardom out of her head, fatty Jessica Simpson is heading back to the small screen that made her famous in the first place. And before you start thinking she’ll be starring in a reality show based on her soaring weight gain and plummeting music and film career, think again. No. The dumb blonde is set to star in the reality/documentary called The Price of Beauty, a program that features Jess going around the world and discovering the many shocking things women would do to make themselves beautiful. Basically every single Oprah episode on make-overs condensed into one frenetically-edited set to crappy pop music reality show featuring one of the widest asses in Hollywood today.

It’s still pretty unclear if Jess will shed the poundage before taking on the TV hosting duties, but what is clear is that she will apparently attempt some of the extreme beauty regimens she discovers herself. So it’s kinda like a cross between The Swan and Fear Factor with a bit of Animal Planet thrown in. You know, because the women would be dogs before their regimens and hot chicks after. Details are still under wraps about what exactly the show will contain, but one thing is for sure, you’re gonna have to sit through Jessica’s annoying nasal faux-Southern accent for 40 minutes every week while watching rich and deluded bitches nip, tuck, staple, stretch, exfoliate, and make-over themselves for the sake of vanity. I can’t think of a more exciting show to see.

In all seriousness, why is this woman still working? Scratch that. Why is this woman still relevant? It seems like since she debuted her hefty figure months ago, people have been clamoring for her disappearance. Yet the media still seems to embrace this Jabba. Vanity Fair covers (still not over that one), constant press coverage, and in-depth coverage of her attempts at weight loss are rampant on both TV and the net, and we just sit here and roll our eyes at this idiocity. It’s about time that we, as bloggers, come together and just basically ignore her to get it in her head that WE DON’T WANT TO SEE HER ANYMORE! But unfortunately, a lot of people still wanna see her. She has, after all, become the poster girl for hick-town middle America. You know, those women who waddle through the mall wearing the tiniest clothes and thinking their the shit, when in actuality they’re overweight tubs of lard that should never be allowed out of the house. It’s people like Jessica that make fat people delusional. And delusion leads to the most embarassing situations. Kinda like the situations you’ll find right here.

There are a lot of unflattering camera angles a person can be photographed in. Even celebrities have this problem, beautiful as they are. Ever since becoming an object of snarkiness because of her noticeable weight-gain, the paps have been trying their best to find the worst possible picture angle for Jessica Simpson. And I do believe this intrepid photographer’s work has finally found it.

Yup, somehow, through careful maneuvering, this paparazzi has gotten some very unflattering pictures of Jess’ rather sizable behind. Yup, that’s her ass, hanging out in very very tight thong panties. Look closely and you see a hint of pussy lips just squeezing to get out. Seems like Ms. Simpson, despite her hefty bulk is not a fan of sensible underwear. I mean, she sported the granny jeans, so granny panties should be on the same order, right?

What really gets me thinking about these photos is the angle in which they were taken. It’s obviously an undershot, where the camera is positioned under the subject. So either the photographer was lying on the pavement and snapping away which kinda takes away the whole sleuthy process of being a paparazzi, or the camera was dangling on one hand with the lens pointing up as they click away, hoping that the shots turn out well. Well, they did, and soon these pics will be the topic of conversation by bloggers everywhere.

Just goes to show that one should always wear the best clothing, both outer and underwear, because you’ll never know when and where (as in where on your body) you’ll get photographed. It’s a sobering reminder of what Momma used to tell us - always look your best. Stars of all people should know this since they live in such close proximity to photographers and cameras and reporters. But every now and then, we get a great shot like this one, and we can bask in the fact that even celebs are not at all perfect. See more of those not-so-perfect moments right here, a site where Hollywood stars do not want you to go.